


Before and Everafter

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 04:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14634450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: A rewrite of the episode "Before and After", in which Janeway lives her life backwards instead of Kes. There is bit of Endgame in here, and some original dialogue from both episodes. There are also some scenes from Jeri Taylor's Mosaic. The whole concept is pretty preposterous, but I've done what I wanted with it and hope you enjoy it.Setting: Season 3, and lots of moments in other timeframes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is a fair bit of family stuff in this story, but this is very much in the spirit of the original episode.

Season Three  
(just for a few seconds before we are catapulted elsewhere)  


  


_"Activating bio-temporal chamber."_

The Doc’s disembodied voice seemed to drift beyond her consciousness. 

Suddenly Kathryn felt heavy, weary. Worse than ever. The treatment wasn’t working. 

She tried to turn her head and was suddenly disorientated. This wasn’t the Sickbay, and she seemed to be sitting, not lying down. There was an unfamiliar young man looking at her. He looked about ten or eleven. 

"Doctor?" she called in alarm. 

"Grandma," said the dark-haired boy. "What’s the matter?" 

"Grandma?" she queried. She wondered whom he was addressing, and then it dawned on her that they were the only two people in the room. 

She looked down at her hands, old and wizened, and she realised with horror that this wasn’t even her body. Something very disturbing was going on here. 

She regarded the puzzled child again. He was carrying some sort of parcel. "Where am I?" 

"Why, you’re at home, grandma," said the dismayed child. 

"This isn’t my home!" 

"Is something wrong?" 

"Something’s very wrong. I shouldn’t be here." 

The boy looked mildly distressed, abandoned his parcel and came to put his hand on her arm. "I’ll fetch Mom," he said in reassurance, and ran from the room. 

She was sitting in an arm-chair, and with difficulty she pushed her sore bones from the chair. The room was very comfortable and had large windows with a vista over very attractive gardens. Bright yellow sunlight filtered into the room, possessing a quality and luminance which suggested an Earth habitat. Along a mantelpiece was an array of images, family pictures depicting happy people, all of them strangers to her...except she recognised the boy in some of them. 

She wondered if this was a hallucination, the result of delirium, or some alien-induced psychosis…something which was not entirely beyond the realms of possibility. She pinched the back of her hand. It stung. This all seemed real enough. 

She caught sight of a mirror, and moved in front of it. In horror, she took in the face that stared back at her. The face was old, still firm, but lined. The hair shone silver. Her hands went to her cheeks in shock, and she felt the paperiness of her once supple skin. But they were her eyes, still full of life, and it was her face, unmistakably her face. Her heart fluttered anxiously. What was happening to her? How could she extricate herself from this? 

An attractive woman in her fifties with auburn hair piled on top of her head entered the room. The boy behind her hesitated in the doorway. 

"Mom? Are you alright?" began the woman. 

"Mom?" Kathryn responded, in a tone that suggested her intelligence was being insulted. "I hate to say this but I don’t have a daughter. I am no-one’s mother." 

Realisation dawned on the face of the stranger, and she approached Kathryn with a look of concern. 

"It’s alright!" she said, soothingly. "Sit yourself down, and I’ll try to explain. I know this is rather a shock to you." 

Kathryn did, she was weary anyway. It was taking a lot of her strength to stand, and moments before she had been fighting for her life. 

The woman turned and addressed the boy. "Andrew, fetch Doctor Van Gogh. He’s the only one she really relates to in this condition. Then bring her a cup of coffee…just the way she always likes it." 

"What shall I do with her birthday present?" he asked anxiously. 

"That will have to wait until she’s feeling better." 

The boy nodded his acceptance, and disappeared. 

The woman took a seat opposite Kathryn, and studied her in silence for a while. 

"Perhaps you’d better introduce yourself," suggested Kathryn. 

"I’m Elizabeth," the woman smiled. "You’ve known who I was when this happened before…but of course I should have realised. Things are happening in reverse for you." 

"Reverse? Something’s very wrong here. This isn’t my body." 

"Oh, I assure you it is! A long time into your future, but it is." 

"How old?" 

"You were 106 last week." 

"106?" gasped Kathryn. "That can’t be! A few moments ago I was 41! Do you understand what’s happening to me?" 

"Yes, I understand. You’ve had these episodes before. I mean…Well, the Doctor will do a better job of explaining it. What’s the last thing you remember?" 

"I was in Sickbay, very ill, and the Doctor was treating me in a bio-temporal chamber…" 

"Precisely. A bio-temporal chamber." 

It finally began to dawn on Kathryn that this wasn’t a hallucination, this was really happening. And this was really an older version of her body. What if she was stuck with this body indefinitely, having missed a large chunk of her potential lifespan? She felt a surge of panic rise in her. This was not something she could think through and solve. Not something tangible she could fight against. Clever tactics, shrewd thinking, brute force…none of them were going to get her out of this situation. She really felt at the mercy of the elements. 

"Look, you’ve had experience of temporal displacement before…surely this isn’t so hard for you to accept?" 

"But I’ve always been in my own body before. I’ve never been…old!" 

"I assure you, you will be 41 again soon. You just have to live through this rather bizarre episodic experience, but you will get back to normal again…" 

"Indeed you will," said Voyager’s Doctor, coming through the door with a pleasant smile on his face. 

"Doctor Van Gogh!" said Elizabeth, rising from her chair. "You got here quickly! You beat the cup of coffee!" 

"Well, wonders will never cease!" he responded with a grin. "Far be it from me to come between the Admiral and her cup of coffee, but I always try to give my favourite patient first class service." 

Kathryn recognised the Doctor instantly, but could hardly believe the change in his appearance. 

"Doctor, you have a full head of hair!" she exclaimed. 

The Doctor smoothed his hand over his locks proudly. "Yes…um, my latest wife found my baldness rather unappealing." 

"Latest wife? You got married?" This was all so absurd. 

"Onto my third. For some strange reason, they find it hard to compete with my youthful looks after a while. Now, how’s my patient today?" 

"Rather confused," put in Elizabeth. 

"This is all wrong, Doctor," said Kathryn. "I shouldn’t be here. A few moments ago, I was in Sickbay on Voyager…now I’m here, in the wrong time-frame." 

"It’s understandable you’re confused. From your perspective this is the first time this has happened to you. From ours it’s the last. We’ve seen this a few times before, but of course when we met you before, you understood more readily what was happening to you. You'd already had it explained. You won't remember stardate 50973. It's still in your future. Voyager was experiencing a very difficult time. We called it the Year of Hell. We were under virtually constant attack by a race called the Krenim. The ship almost didn’t make it. I was offline for months. During the attack, one of the chroniton torpedo fragments leaked radiation into the ship." 

"Chroniton torpedoes?" 

"Yes. They were able to penetrate our shields, because their torpedoes were in a constant state of temporal flux. Lots of the crew suffered radiation poisoning. For some reason you had a significantly higher dose than the rest. You were infected with chroniton particles, and from the moment I tried to treat in the bio-temporal chamber, you were sent out of temporal sync. with the rest of us." 

"Let me get this straight. I was infected with chroniton particles on 50973, and yet I was sent out of sync. on 50736, even though I hadn’t been infected yet?" 

"That is the long and the short of it. It seems the bio-temporal chamber re-activated the particles in your system. Yes, I know...temporal paradoxes are rather baffling." 

Kathryn looked at him sternly. She didn't need him to tell her this, but the tension was relieved by the arrival of the coffee. 

"Then what can be done?" she continued. "I don’t want to stay here…in this old body. Half my life has vanished without my even living it!" 

"You won’t stay here. What happened is that you jumped through a number of short episodes backwards in time right until you were born, and then stabilised back in your own time. Don’t worry. We solved it." 

"We solved it?" 

"Yes, B’Elanna and I devised an effective treatment. Remember what I explained to you last time?" He caught the uncomprehending look on Kathryn’s face. "I mean, listen very carefully to what I explain to you next time." 

Kathryn tried to get up from her chair. This was just the sort of conundrum to send her pacing her floor. 

"Take it easy!" the Doctor suggested. "That body of yours is 106! Thanks to my diligence, it’s in fine fettle, I’m proud to say, even though I've never succeeded in getting you to reduce your caffeine intake. It's got a good few years in it yet." 

Kathryn frowned at him. Fine fettle? That wasn’t how she’d put it. Exchanging a 41 year old body for one of 106 didn’t exactly make her leap with joy. 

Suddenly she felt cold, and it must have shown on her face. The Doctor scanned her anxiously. 

"Your body temperature’s dropping rapidly!" he commented. "Try to relax. This always happens just before you jump back in time." 


	2. Chapter 2

She found herself in the same room. The windows opened onto the same yard. But the light was different. Something had changed, although, to her huge frustration, her body seemed just as old. 

She could hear voices coming from the next room and she approached the door stealthily and listened in. The same woman who called herself her daughter and the boy Andrew were talking. 

"I’m so disappointed not to have finished this in time for her birthday," said the boy. 

"Grandma will understand. I’m sure she’ll love it when she gets it. It's always more special when it's something you've made yourself." 

The pair became aware of the woman at the door, and turned to see her. 

"Grandma, don’t look! You’ll spoil the surprise!" cried the boy, hurriedly hiding something. 

"Did you have a good sleep?" asked Elizabeth. 

"I haven’t been asleep! I’ve been transported here against my will!" 

"Well…I’m sure things will sort themselves out. Try not to panic!" responded the woman, as she processed her mother's obvious confusion. 

"You’re Elizabeth?" 

"Yes," she answered, relieved to be recognised. "So I assume this isn’t the first leap of your journey." 

Kathryn looked at her rather disorientated. The sudden change had thrown her almost as much as the first one had, and her mind was still spinning from the experience. 

Elizabeth smiled. "A cup of coffee always works wonders. You missed it so! Just wait here, and I’ll bring some. Talk to Andrew while I’m gone…only don’t ask about your birthday present." 

"Birthday present?" she said to herself, as Elizabeth disappeared. 

"I’m sorry, Grandma. I haven’t finished it yet. It won’t be ready for your party tomorrow," said the boy earnestly. 

She looked at the boy in bewilderment, wishing that Elizabeth hadn’t left the two of them alone. What does one say to a boy you don’t know who seems to think you’re his grandmother? 

"Never mind. I’m sure it will be perfect." 

The boy relaxed visibly. 

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" 

The boy looked surprised, and then suddenly seemed to understand. "Oh! You’re my grandmother from the past, not my real one!" 

"So it seems." 

"No. I don’t have any brothers or sisters. There are my cousins, of course, but they’re all a lot older than me." He went over to take an image from the mantelpiece. "That’s me when I was a baby with mom!" he said, handing her the picture. The image showed a smiling Elizabeth holding an unrecognisable baby. 

Kathryn nodded, and the boy took away the frame and placed it back in position. He took another down to give to her. "And that’s you with me. I think I was about five in that one. We were on vacation in Risa." 

Kathryn looked at the image, startled this time as she recognised herself holding Andrew. The similarity to her own features hadn’t struck her when she’d looked at this last time. "And over here are some cousins and picture of Grandpa…" 

Kathryn didn’t take in his words….her mind was reeling with shock, and, just at that moment, Elizabeth came back in with the coffee. 

"I’ve sent for Doctor Van Gogh. He always insists we contact him straight away. You are bound to be more confused at what for you are the early stages of these strange events. He also says he needs to have a long talk with you. He says there may not be many more of these jumps…." 

  


* * *

  


The Doctor explained about her infection with chroniton particles all over again, and was particularly interested to reassure himself that she had only experienced one such manifestation so far. He told her that she would make twenty or so leaps into her past, as she had described to him when she had been returned to normal. Sometimes she would stay a few days, others just a few minutes. Every time she jumped, her body temperature would drop alarmingly just before. Sometimes she would find herself only a few days back into her past, sometimes whole years would pass without incident. 

He explained that B’Elanna and he had devised an effective treatment. "We need to purge you of the chroniton poisoning. We need to use the bio-temporal chamber to expose you to a precisely modulated field of anti-chroniton particles. To do that successfully, we need to know the precise temporal variance of the torpedo which affected you. Since the ship’s sensors were not fully functional at the time, you scanned for it yourself. The frequency was 1.47 microseconds…information you gave me yourself. And you will need to instruct the Doctor of your time-frame how to treat you." 

This was all rather disconcerting, and Kathryn made him go through his instructions twice. 

"And then I’ll be back to normal?" 

"With absolute certainty. Captain Janeway survived the incident and had a long and healthy lifespan, as you can plainly tell." Kathryn felt some relief at this. "So I suggest you try to make the best of what’s happening to you. It’ll be a bumpy ride, but I gather you indulged in rather a lot of coffee!" 

Later that evening, after Andrew had gone to bed, she sat alone with Elizabeth enjoying a bottle of wine. 

"I see that’s one indulgence you’ve inherited from me!" said Kathryn. 

Elizabeth smiled. "One of many. You know, I’ve rather enjoyed my conversations with you over the years. Getting to know your mother when she was young is a rather unique experience." 

"I suppose it is." 

"I guess you’re younger than I am right now." Kathryn’s eyes flickered in acknowledgement. 

"Do you have a husband?" 

"Yes. David’s working on Utopia Planetia for the moment. You know you shouldn’t ask too much. I always thought you knew a little too much about the future. It was rather disconcerting. Although, you always assured me I would meet the right man, and you were right." 

"And Andrew is an only child?" 

"Yes. I started late. I followed in your footsteps and had a Starfleet career first. Although, I've given it up now. You never did." She paused, studying her mother's reaction. "You were something of a role model, you know." 

Kathryn laughed. "So I had you quite late? At some time in my future I’ll have a child?" 

"You’ll have three. Six grand-children and a great-grandchild on the way! And you managed to have an illustrious career after you got home." 

Kathryn was truly astonished. "Maybe you shouldn’t be telling me this." 

"No. Your other self is always telling me to deflect your questions. However, I’m sure most of this will be obvious to you during the rollercoaster ride you’re embarking on." 

"So what can we talk about?" 

"Andrew and I always love to listen to your stories…your time on Voyager, your childhood. That’s always safe territory, and, dare I say, rather fascinating. Especially when things are fresh in your mind. It’s intriguing to see how the tales have been embellished over the years!" 

There was a lot of sense in this. "Okay. So what do you want to know?" 

"How about…what you thought of your First Officer when you first met him?" asked Elizabeth with a teasing twinkle in her eye that was eerily familiar. 

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Any particular reason?" 

"He’s my father." 


	3. Chapter 3

Even from the back with silver hair and a slight stoop, she recognised him immediately. She could always sense his presence profoundly, and it amazed her that time hadn’t eroded that sixth sense. 

She had materialised in an entirely different room, the furniture was different and the images on the shelf changed. Chakotay was gazing through the window watching a family at play, chuckling softly in depths of his belly. He had a stick for support. She came up behind him. She was still coming to terms with the strange but rather exciting concept that this man, this dear friend of hers, would not only be her future husband, but would father three children with her. 

Outside, Elizabeth and a man, presumably her husband, were tossing a ball about with Andrew, who looked about eight years old. 

Chakotay straightened his back at her approach, and Kathryn cleared her throat, wondering how to handle this. His arm slid behind her back, and she decided not to take issue with it. 

"We’re truly blessed, you and I!" 

"I guess we are," she conceded. 

"Would you turn back the clock, if you could?" 

"I don’t know," she answered. It was rather a perplexing question, given her situation. 

"You know, I wouldn’t. Not really. But I wish I had half their energy!" 

"So do I!" 

"And a body that did what it was told. You know, you’re still a damned attractive woman, Kathryn Janeway, and if my body were a little less creaky, I’d get you in that bedroom right now and have my wicked way with you!" The tone was full of teasing and he turned to smile at her. 

She looked up, rather glad his body was creaky so that she didn’t have to deal with that particular conundrum right now. She caught her breath. His face was thinner, wearier, framed in silver, but the same twinkle was in his eyes that he always reserved for her, and her alone. 

  


* * *

  


Several jumps later she found herself at an official dinner. Chakotay was sitting at her side, both of them significantly younger now. It didn’t take long to recognise that the whole shebang seemed to be in her honour. She recognised some people around her…her daughter, looking a lot younger. The Doctor with a strange woman beside him. His superfluous hair had mysteriously vanished now. B’Elanna, Tom, Harry all looking a lot older. Reluctantly, she picked at her half-eaten food. 

"Chakotay?" 

"Yes, dear?" 

"I need to get out of here." 

"Are you alright?" 

"No! I’m not…myself," she said, hoping he would catch on as quickly as her daughter always seemed to. If he didn’t, she might have to enlist Elizabeth and the Doctor’s help. 

"You want to step outside?" 

"Yes, please." She pushed her chair back and made her way towards what appeared to be an exit. A few anxious eyes scanned her, and she deflected a few polite enquiries as to her well-being. Chakotay rose too, picking up her purse and following after her. 

Outside the room, she paced up and down a few times before addressing him. "Chakotay, do you understand what I mean when I say I’m not your Kathryn?" 

The light dawned on his anxious face. "Oh," he said. 

"Oh indeed! What’s going on here? I presume I am the guest of honour." 

"It’s your retirement do." 

"I can’t stay. I can’t be expected to make polite conversation with all these people and pretend to be whoever they think I am. To recognise people I’m supposed to know, and recall everything I'm supposed to know about them. To be aware of everything that's happening right now in the universe. It just won’t wash! Not to mention that it contravenes the temporal prime directive!" 

Chakotay rubbed his hair as he deliberated. This certainly presented some difficulties. A few exasperating and uncertain looks passed between them. 

"You’re a Starfleet Admiral. I know this is certainly a rather unusual call on your duties, but you’re a resourceful woman. You could bluff your way through….except perhaps…" 

"Except what?" 

"You have to make a speech," he offered apologetically. 

"A what?" came the alarmed response. 

"Don’t worry. Your notes are in your purse!" he said, retrieving a padd from the inside of said article and handing it to her. 

"I shouldn’t read this," she muttered to herself. Her thumbprint activated the padd, as she should have expected. She scanned the first few lines. 

"You don’t have much choice. They’re only on dessert. I’d say you have half an hour at least." 

"This is only in bullet points! There’s no way I can pad this out to make any sense!" she said, handing it back to him. "You’ll have to say I’m ill, or beseech the powers of the universe to make me jump back in time before I have to go up there." 

"Alright, alright!" he said, beginning to accept the futility of pressurising her into going through with this performance, but still watching her anxiously as she began to pace again. "Let’s not panic yet. There’s still time for everything to get back to normal." 

"What time of year is it?" 

"March." 

"Let’s go outside…" 

"It’ll be cold out there. You'll catch your death." She was wearing only a flimsy evening gown. 

"That’s exactly the point." 

"Okay," he said, turning to lead her to an entrance to the Presidio gardens. "I guess you’re still the boss!" 

"My body temperature always drops before I jump. Maybe if I go out in the cold it will speed things up!" 

"We can but try." 

Out in the gardens, they spoke little. His dark worried eyes followed her as she walked up and down. It wasn’t long before she began to shiver. 

"If you keep this up, you really will get ill!" 

She threw him an unappreciative look, and rubbed her hands over her bare shoulders. 

"It’s not working!" 

"Just try to relax." 

"Relax? How could I relax? I am being subjected to the most disturbing and exhausting experience, and I don’t know if I will make it through." 

"You will make it through! We wouldn’t be here having your retirement do, if you didn’t!" 

"That’s supposed to be a comfort?" she asked huffily. She began to shiver uncontrollably. 

"Look, I think we should get you home. I’ll tell them you’ve been taken ill. I can soon get the Doctor to back me up." He stepped forward to put his arm around her, intending to propel her back indoors. 

She shivered again and a wild look entered her eyes. Quickly, she clamped her hand on his shoulder for support. "I think I’m…" and she was gone. 


	4. Chapter 4

Warm now. Very warm. Showers of water were cascading all over her body. It took a few minutes for her to come to her senses. 

This was a much younger body, she decided. She must have jumped quite a few years this time. Hastily, she checked her hair and decided it was well rinsed. 

Chakotay’s cheerful teasing voice penetrated her consciousness. She realised he was hovering just outside the bathroom door. 

"Kathryn, you’re taking forever in there! If you don’t hurry up, I’m just going to have to come in and kiss you in places only a husband should know about!" 

Her eyes popped open in horror. "Computer, end shower," she commanded and the downpour ceased. Warily, she stepped out of the cubicle, glancing at the door, fearful he might come in and make good on his promise. Satisfied she had at least a few moments' grace, she looked anxiously around for clothes but couldn’t see any. She grabbed a towel and hastily covered herself up. 

She approached the door to what was obviously a bedroom, and had to duck to avoid the kiss he was lining up for her cheek. 

"My, you’re in a bad humour this morning!" 

"Just leave me be!" 

"Headache?" 

The glare she gave him persuaded him not to pursue this line of questioning. "Okay. I know when to quit," he said, backing off, and left her alone. 

After hesitating for only a few moments, she began rummaging around for something to wear. She found clean underwear in some drawers and spent some time debating whether to dress casually or don a uniform. A check with the computer suggested it would be a work day, so she found an unfamiliar uniform and put it on. It was with a certain amount of incredulity that she pinned what appeared to be an admiral’s rank bar in place. 

She walked through into the living area, and was further surprised to find Chakotay serving up breakfast to two children. There was a dark haired boy of about fourteen, and a girl aged about twelve with masses of auburn hair flowing freely around her shoulders. They were discussing the day ahead of them. 

On her entrance, the children fell silent, as if they sensed something was up with their mother. 

"Would you like something to eat?" Chakotay asked, as she took her place at a seat obviously meant for her. 

"Er…no," she responded. She could still taste the salmon dish she’d just been eating. "I’m not all that hungry. Just some coffee, please." 

Chakotay nodded, and passed her the pot. 

"Are you alright, mom?" asked the boy. 

"Thank you. I’ll be fine in a while," she said, feeling that this wasn’t quite the arena for exposing her predicament. She had no idea of the boy's name. She looked at the girl curiously. Was this the Elizabeth she’d met five or six times over the last few days, getting more familiar with her each time, Elizabeth getting less comprehending and more uncertain as history had rolled back. 

"Elizabeth," she began experimentally, "How are you this morning?" 

The girl’s eyes widened, and she looked at her mother in horror. "Mom, I’m Ellie! You never muddle us up!" 

Chakotay, always able to sense things from his wife, interceded quickly. "Mom’s headache must be really bad, so I suggest you give her a bit of space. She needs some peace and quiet!" 

The astounded looks on the kids’ faces disappeared, and they nodded at their father’s suggestion. "You need to hurry. You should be leaving for school in fifteen minutes!" 

"Okay, pa," said the boy, hurriedly finishing his breakfast. 

There was movement behind Chakotay and another girl appeared, the carbon copy of the girl at the table, except her hair was straighter and significantly better controlled. 

"Going early?" Chakotay asked of his daughter. 

"Yes," replied the girl. I have a science project due next week. I want to discuss my ideas with Doctor Roberts before school." 

The girl came over and kissed both parents goodbye, just as her siblings left the room. Chakotay wished her a good day at school, and she headed off to the transporter station. 

"Elizabeth?" queried Kathryn, when they were alone. 

Chakotay smiled in understanding. "Yes. She’s the one who takes after you." 

"So I see." 

"You always say Ellie takes after Phoebe." 

Kathryn nodded comprehendingly. They regarded each other in silence for a few seconds, twinkling understanding showing in their eyes. Chakotay had evidently rumbled her. 

Chakotay continued, "So, were you going to tell me what is going on here? Or were you planning to bluff it out and pretend to go to work?" 

"Difficult. I don’t happen to know where work is." 

"So you’d have been wandering the streets aimlessly for hours?" 

"I guess I would." 

"Well, you can stay here. I’ll call in and tell them you’re unwell." 

"I think that would be wise." 

"I can stay too, if you want." 

"That won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can occupy myself." 

"So long as you don’t feel tempted to read through your records!" 

"I think I know better than to do that." 

"Good. I’ll get the Doc to come over and keep you company. Or B’E. They both seem to have a good understanding of your predicament." 

"Thank you." 

He rose from the table. "Make yourself at home…I suppose in a strange sort of way it is your home really." She nodded. "There are some books in the library. Coffee’s in the kitchen." 

Well, that was good news. "Then I'll have everything I need. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry." 

She spent a pleasant enough day, the Doctor visiting for a few hours and discussing her situation with her. He still seemed confident that the plan to get her out of this would work. 

In the evening after their meal, Chakotay sat the children down and explained to them that their mother was not quite herself. In fact, they were talking a mother from their past. Alexander (for that was the boy's name), Elizabeth and Eleanor found the whole concept rather wondrous, and peppered her with questions. They were fascinated by all things Voyager, which she answered where she could. But they asked a lot about the Borg too. Chakotay tried to deflect them when they did, explaining that their mother hadn’t really encountered them yet. 

So they were going to encounter the Borg! That shouldn’t have surprised her. Their journey was going to take them on a direct route through Borg space at some time. She didn’t like the idea very much. She’d hoped a wormhole or some other way home would materialise long before they reached it.The chances of Voyager making it through were slim at best. Even if the could survive, they could expect heavy losses. 

It seemed, however, that they must have survived the experience relatively in tact. The evidence was right in front of her. 

She stayed till the following afternoon, and was presented with a fascinating insight into family life. If this was what the future held for her, she wanted it. All of it. 

  


* * *

  


Pain. Unbelievable pain. Her body felt as if it was being ripped apart. 

" _Chakotay! If I’d only known…I’d never have let you get your hands on me!_ " squealed what sounded like her own voice. 

It took only a few seconds to realise she was in labour. The EMH had his hands somewhere unspeakable, and Chakotay was holding her hand and whispering encouragement. She could only echo her counterpart's words as her muscles started to contract again. If labour was going to feel like this, she was NEVER going to let him get his hands on her! 

"Nearly there!" said the EMH encouragingly. "Next contraction ought to do it! Chakotay, do you want to take a look?" 

Kathryn was in no position to argue as the next contraction began to bite. 

"Now, push!" ordered the Doctor. What choice did she have? "And again… good…good…" 

Two minutes later, the Doctor wiped down the baby and placed him in her arms. She couldn’t help the tears pricking in her eyes as she took the baby from him. "Your son, Admiral. A perfect baby boy!" 

Chakotay came up beside them, crouching slightly, and placed an arm round her neck. His other hand reached to the baby and his fingers drifted tenderly over its features. Kathryn glanced up and saw a deep sense of wonderment in his eyes. Chakotay was every inch the doting father. 

"I’m so proud of you!" he commented to Kathryn. "Look what we just made together, my love!" 

Kathryn glanced back at the baby, the same sense of wonderment filling her too. The baby was perfectly formed, his dark damp hair clung to his crown, a slight frown on his forehead. Maybe she would let Chakotay get his hands on her, after all. 

"Does he have a name?" asked the Doctor. 

"Alexander," said Kathryn quickly. "Alexander Chakotay." 

"Alexander? I thought we’d settled on Edward…after your father." 

"Alexander!" reiterated Kathryn. Who was she to change history? She wasn’t taking any risks with it. "And Chakotay…after his father." 


	5. Chapter 5

A delicious smell of coffee wafted past her nostrils, and lazily she turned over with a dreamy sigh of contentment. As she did so, she became aware that a figure was standing over her, contemplating her sleeping form. Her eyes sprang open in alarm. 

She realised almost immediately that she was in bed and quite naked. And the intense brown eyes looking down at her were Chakotay’s. She swallowed with difficulty, as awareness hit her that he had not a stitch on him either. 

She sat up hastily, pulling the sheet across her chest. However, she couldn’t resist running her eyes across his nakedness. His chest was broad, muscular with a light spattering of dark hair. His skin glowed with a golden sheen, his penis thick and succulent, just as her most delicious daydreams had fashioned it. He was, without question, a magnificent specimen. 

"Morning, sweetheart!" he opened, handing her the coffee, which, despite everything, she took gratefully. "Happy anniversary!" 

She took a sip of the coffee. Too hot still, but so rich and satisfying, and at least it hid her consternation for a few moments while she collected her thoughts. 

"Anniversary?" 

"Yes, we’ve been married three days." 

"We’re on honeymoon?" she answered in alarm. This was rather disconcerting news. 

"Yes." He answered, a little perturbed himself, as he sat down on the bed by her knees. 

"Where are we?" 

He frowned at her, even more worried now. 

"Hawaii…Kathryn, are you alright?" 

She took another swig of the coffee to steel herself for the next part of this difficult conversation. 

"I don’t know how to tell you this, Chakotay, but I’m not your Kathryn. I’m not supposed to be here." 

"Oh," he said simply. 

"Oh?" she queried, expecting him to be rather more fazed by this revelation. 

"She warned me this might happen. You’re from the past aren’t you?" 

"Yes." 

"The day the Doc had to treat you with anti-chroniton particles?" 

"Yes," relieved that he seemed to understand what was happening to her. 

"Well, I suggest you relax and enjoy this. We’re on our honeymoon after all," he patted her knee reassuringly. 

"You’re on your honeymoon. I’m afraid I’m not." 

"And you don’t think you can bear three days in my company?" 

"Three days?" she said, more alarmed than ever. 

"That’s right. She told me she was here three days. Then everything should go back to normal…I’m sure we can live with that." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her forehead. She backed away, feeling rather awkward. 

"Okay…I understand. But you’ll have to realise something here. I’m rather familiar with that body of yours…the one you’re borrowing temporarily. And I simply can’t help my reaction to your nearness, my love. We’ve been making love rather passionately pretty much non-stop since we got here. We really can’t get enough of each other. So there’s not much point in being bashful around here…" He paused, noting that she’d paled visibly at his hints of intimacy. He patted her knee again, and stood up. "Why don’t you take a shower, while I fix us some breakfast? Look in the drawers." He nodded towards the dresser. "I’m sure there are plenty of clean clothes in there." 

She nodded gratefully, and he disappeared from the room. She couldn’t help but admire the rear view, as the muscles stretched and relaxed in fluid movement. She had to accept the truth of what he said. She could smell the scent of sex in the air, and her body felt…to put it bluntly…well and truly hammered. Muscles that she hadn’t used for a long time had had a good workout. 

After her shower, Kathryn dressed. She rummaged through the drawers to find something to wear, dismissing much that was in there as too provocative for the moment. What on earth had got into her older self? Eventually, she found some jeans and a top that were comfortable. She surveyed herself solemnly in the mirror. She was looking good, hardly any older. Her skin had a glow to it, her own muscles well toned too. Maybe that’s what married life did for her. She was a little fuller round the middle, she thought. Chakotay had obviously been making her eat more. She brushed her hair. It was soft and silky. Longer again. Why on earth did she keep changing her hairstyle? 

She walked through into the lounge. There was a table set for breakfast on a balcony overlooking a magnificent sandy bay. Chakotay had his back to her, enjoying the view. The early morning sun was already heating the air, but a refreshing breeze was wafting inland and keeping things pleasant still. He turned and threw her a welcoming smile. She grinned back. Perhaps this wasn’t so bad after all. 

She came and sat opposite him. He poured more coffee and juice, and there was fruit and croissants too. Suddenly she realised she was very hungry. 

"I thought you’d be hungry. We really haven’t spared much time to eat recently…" 

She tucked in feverishly, as did he. This body must be famished, she decided. He watched her carefully, worried about her, but curious all the same. 

"This coffee’s heavenly!" she declared truthfully. She’d long since decided she was going to make the most of the coffee supplies. 

"You’re still on Delta Quadrant rations, I suppose." 

"Yes." 

"Then you should make the most of this." 

"I’ll try. But it’s difficult. I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of this…" 

"Of course you will. I married you, don’t forget. So you did make it out…The Doctor found a way to treat you…" 

"Yes. I have some specific information to give him…when I make it back to my own time. He says it worked." 

"It did. Stop worrying." 

"Okay. I’ll try." 

"Enjoy yourself. What could be more entertaining than three days with the man you just married?" 

"I haven’t just married you, remember? Your Kathryn did." 

"But the you from…what six years ago…was already attracted to me, wasn’t she? And I know she could use a little downtime. She’d certainly benefit from indulging herself for a bit." 

Kathryn barely blinked at this. Deep down she acknowledged it as the truth, but she had no wish to confirm his theory. "We’ll see." 

"Maybe I should rephrase that. What could be better than three days with the man you’re going to marry?" 

She relaxed into a smile. "You do have a point." 

"Do you need to see the Doctor? I mean, we can probably call him up, if you want." 

"No," she thought about it for a moment. "No…I don’t think there’s anything to be done to stop this in this time-frame, and he's already talked me through everything. More than once." 

"Good. What would you like to do then?" 

"Enjoy the freedom. The exhilarating feeling of being back on Earth…Walk, swim, breathe the fresh air." 

He smiled in understanding. "Some good food?" 

"Oh yes," she answered with enthusiasm. 

"And coffee?" he added, his eyes twinkling. 

"By the bucketful." 

"I’m sure that can be arranged." 

They did exactly what she wanted. The walked the strands, careful to protect her sensitive skin. They swam, browsed the tourist shops, and had a delightful lunch in a small café. She soon relaxed in his company, their familiar connection soon breaking through her sense of restraint. Naturally, much of their conversation focused on their early time in the Delta Quadrant, and a little of their life before that. It was their common point of reference, a place where their memories and experiences coincided. He tried to probe her about the future, which she mostly deflected with her usual skill. He reckoned he detected a certain sense of contentment about what she’d seen. He also talked her through her distress at what was happening to her, trying hard to reassure her that the Doctor had solved the problem, and she would find herself back in her own time-frame eventually. 

She tried to probe him about her future, which he deflected with equal skill. It was rather unnerving that they each knew something of the other’s future, yet couldn’t responsibly divulge it. 

As the day wore on, she naturally allowed him a certain proximity. It started with touches…after all she was used to that anyway. Then, almost imperceptibly, his hand slipped around hers. Finally she leaned into his shoulder, allowing his arm around her neck. She was just loving this level of intimacy, a little afraid of where it might lead. He kissed her on the forehead a number of times, but never on the lips. He seemed to understand her reticence. 

They danced the evening away in the courtyard of another amazing restaurant, both a little reluctant to return to the hotel and face the inevitable awkwardness of being alone together. 

But eventually, tiredness caught up with them and they had to retire for the night. 

She prepared herself for bed, this time finding a frumpy old nightgown in her counterpart’s dresser. 

"Spirits, where did that come from?" asked Chakotay in amazement when he saw her in it. She was standing by the door, armed with a duvet and pillows. "Did you replicate it specially?" 

"No. It was in the dresser." 

"Kathryn packed that?" he asked incredulously. 

"Yes," she smiled at his reaction. "She must have thought I’d need it." 

"Trying to protect your honour?" 

"Maybe. I won’t have to fight you off wearing this." 

"Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’d fancy you in any damn bit of sackcloth." 

The smile died on her lips, as the uncomfortable tension of the moment reasserted itself. And his smile died in response. 

"I’ll sleep on the couch," she offered, softly. 

"No!" he protested. "Absolutely not. I will." He took himself through to the bedroom and collected some bedding. 

"Thank you," she said, gratefully. 

"You’ll be back fighting for your life in a few days time. You need to build up your strength. Get as much sleep as possible." 

He paused beside her as he made to leave, then kissed her briefly on the cheek. "Goodnight, sweetheart." 

"Goodnight." 

She did sleep well, luxuriating in the comfort of a bed she knew was normally well occupied, dreaming of a future that was this rosy, this real. 

  


* * *

  


The next day proved very similar. She awoke to the same heavenly coffee, the breakfast on the balcony, the wonderful companionship. She protested that he was putting himself to a lot of trouble, but he responded by telling her she needed some pampering. 

It was almost too good to be true. They spent the entire day in Paris, returning only late at night to retire in much the same way as they had on the previous night, but with less of the awkwardness. 

The following morning, Kathryn searched through the drawers to find something to wear, when she happened upon a medical scanner. She took it out and turned it over in her hand thoughtfully. This body felt different from her normal body. Her breasts tingled, felt more sensitive. She felt a little fuller. It made her wonder. Careful that Chakotay didn’t see her, she took the scanner into the bathroom. 

  


* * *

  


The coffee was waiting for her on the balcony. 

"How did you sleep?" he asked, pouring her a mugful. 

"Very well, actually. This is certainly a comfortable room." 

"Only the best." 

They ate the breakfast quietly until he asked, "Where would you like to go today? This is your last day." 

"I don’t know. Anywhere. You decide." 

"I have an idea. You might not like it. It might upset you too much." 

She looked up anxiously, worried at what he was about to propose. 

"Indiana?" 

"Oh!" she said, as realisation dawned. 

"It’s what…two, three years since you’ve seen your mother. And another five till you see her again. What do you think?" 

She hesitated. She knew it would hurt to be wrenched away again, but the temptation to connect with the woman who had nurtured her was too great. "Won’t it seem a little odd? Visiting mother four or five days into your honeymoon?" 

He grinned. "You could explain to her what is going on." 

"No…no. I think she’d find that rather too much to swallow." 

"Then you’ll have to pretend to be my Kathryn…pretend to be married to me? Do you think you could do that?" 

She nodded. 

"We could tell her we’re collecting some more of your things. Maybe have a look at the wedding album…." 

Her heart lifted. This seemed so much like fun. 

So by mid-morning they were standing outside her mother’s house. Kathryn felt the thrill of anticipation, and a certain amount of trepidation, as they walked up the drive. 

Gretchen was a little puzzled to greet them, especially as Kathryn flung herself tearfully in her arms, but accepted their explanation without too much question. She probed Kathryn as to how the honeymoon was going, with the nosiness of any normal woman looking out for her elder daughter. Kathryn responded with all the enthusiasm that she thought would come from her older self. 

Kathryn studied her mother carefully. She certainly looked older, her face a little more lined, but she was looking healthy, and clearly delighted with her new son-in-law. She and Chakotay seemed to get on like a house on fire. 

She wanted to ask how her mother had fared during their long separation, how she had coped with not knowing that her daughter was alive, but she knew she couldn’t. Her older self would already have gone through all this with her mother. Besides, if appearances were anything to go by, she had come through it, relatively unscathed. 

Chakotay played his part well, if anything too well. He deflected the conversation whenever Gretchen touched on something the younger Kathryn was unlikely to know anything about. But he also took advantage of the situation by using every opportunity to show his affection for her overtly. He was a little too demonstrative, a little too familiar. He kissed her, no longer avoiding her lips. He hugged her, nuzzled her ear. 

"Chakotay!" she admonished, when her mother was out of the room, fixing him with one of her glares. 

"What?" he answered, all innocence. 

"You know very well _what_!" 

"Huh! We’re on honeymoon, don’t forget. This is how we’d be… If I stop acting like I can’t keep my hands off you, then your mother will smell a rat." 

"Perhaps, I should go right in and tell her the truth." 

"Go right ahead. If you want to explain this to her, feel free. I can’t begin to imagine what she’ll make of it, but it’s your call. Besides, she’s pretty much of the opinion you and I have been in love with each other from the day we met." 

She glared at him again. She might not agree with what he was saying, but it was too close to the truth for comfort. 

He leaned in and whispered hotly in her ear. "It’s rather fun…pretending to be married…isn’t it?" 

Kathryn just huffed at this, thankful that they weren't going to suffer the indignity of staying the night. Then her mother came back into the room, noting with proud satisfaction that their heads were affectionately tipped together and both sets of eyes dancing with life. She decided with relief that there was nothing at all wrong with how things were going on the honeymoon. Chakotay gave a quick squeeze of one of Kathryn’s buttocks and she sprang away from him with a squeak of indignation. He was immediately treated to one of her deathly glares. 

"Would you like to see what I’ve done with the pictures?" asked Gretchen. 

"Oh yes," responded Kathryn eager to escape Chakotay's amorous clutches. 

Her mother fetched a small chip off the mantelpiece and handed it to Kathryn, and they both sat down next to each other on the sofa. Kathryn activated it, and a large book sprang to life in front of her. It had pages you could physically turn. 

There, unbelievably, was her own face staring back at her, dressed in an amazing gown. She looked stunning, and her breath caught as she took in her own happy smiling face. The woman in the pictures was walking on clouds. 

She turned the pages. There were some bridesmaids. One looked like a half-Katarian. Was that Naomi? She didn’t know who the others were. Then there was picture of Phoebe, with two boys, dressed as ushers. She realised with a jolt that they must be her two nephews. 

"My, the twins have grown." 

"They sure have. Didn’t they look smart?" 

"Amazing." 

"Phoebe’s coming over this afternoon. We were going to an art gallery together." 

"Oh!" 

"Were you planning on staying?" 

Kathryn looked at her mother, slightly disturbed by this. Of course, her mother had seen her only a couple of days before. It wasn’t a big deal to her, so why wouldn't she have plans? She had no idea Kathryn was feeling the effects of three years of separation. 

Gretchen saw that her daughter looked a bit put out by this. "Well, we can always go another day," she offered. 

"Do you mind?" 

"Not at all. After all, I missed you for seven years. Who knows when you’ll take off again. We should make the most of our time together." 

"We should," said Kathryn with relief, and she put her arm round her mother and kissed her on the cheek. "I missed you so much when I was gone. Never a day goes…went by when I didn’t think about you. Wonder how you were. Wonder what you were doing." 

"Nor I," said Gretchen, looking at her curiously. "A daughter is something very precious, you know, as I hope you’ll find out sometime soon. I guess sons are too, but I wouldn't know about that. Now you’re married, I hope you’re thinking about making me a Grandma in the very near future. You don’t want to waste any time at your age!" 

"Mother! I think Chakotay and I are getting a little old!" 

"Nonsense! This is the twenty-fourth century! Your cousin Gracie had her first at fifty-two!" 

"Chakotay and I haven’t even talked about it yet." 

"Well, you should have done! What’s up with the pair of you?" 

"He might not want any." 

"What nonsense, child! Anyone can see he’d make a brilliant father. Look how he is when all the family are around. All your nieces and nephews just adore him. He’s that kind of man!" 

"Maybe you’re right," she answered with a knowing smile. "But badgering us won’t make a scrap of difference!" 

"You know what I think?" said Gretchen, patting her daughter on the knee. "I think you’re playing your cards close to your chest. Trying to throw me off the scent. I bet you’re already pregnant. You’ve got a certain glow about you…" 

"Mother!" she said, with a hushing sound, and a slight nod towards Chakotay. Gretchen immediately understood that this was a conversation not to be overheard for the moment. Her only response was to give her daughter a discrete affectionate hug. 

Kathryn turned a page and drew in her breath suddenly. Staring at her from the next page was an old familiar face, somewhat aged from when she’d last seen him. "Mark!" 

"Yes." 

"He came to the wedding?" she asked, unable to keep the surprise from her voice. 

Gretchen looked at her rather curiously. "Lord, how much wine have you had this morning? Of course he did, dear! You asked him…with Carla and Kevin." Kathryn studied the picture on the following page, and she could see Mark standing next to a handsome woman with honeyed hair. His hand was resting on the shoulder of a small boy. "I liked Carla very much. I can see why you still manage to be friends with them. But, if you ask me, you’ve got a much better man over there. Far better suited to you. Mark was just a little too dull for you, my dear. You needed someone with much more spirit. Someone who’ll stand up to you when you get into your stubborn mode. Chakotay’s just perfect…though I’ve said it many times already." 

In the afternoon, Phoebe came, without the rest of her family. She was as exuberant and vivacious as ever, and Kathryn didn’t have to restrain the hugs she felt the need for. She asked Kathryn how her superstud husband was measuring up. Was the honeymoon living up to expectations? Had she worn him out yet? Was his or her stamina flagging? Phoebe seemed to be of the opinion that her sister had already hinted at Chakotay’s prowess in the bedroom, but Kathryn refused to be drawn. After all, she didn’t know the answer to the question, but she contended herself with saying, as if with hidden meaning, that some things a woman needed to keep to herself, even if her sister was gagging to be let in on the juicy details. 

It was a painful parting, made harder by the fact that Kathryn had to hide her distress. Both Phoebe and her mother were anticipating a reunion within days. Only Kathryn had to contemplate another five years of separation. 


	6. Chapter 6

She was really quiet on the way back to the hotel, and for the most part Chakotay left her to her thoughts. Inside the hotel room, he knew exactly what she needed. He opened his arms to her, and she collapsed into them, sobbing her heart out on his shoulder. 

"Thanks," she said when she had calmed, and dusted at his wet shirt in embarrassment. 

"You needed that." 

She nodded. "I suppose I did." 

"Want to take a bath while I make you a hot drink?" 

"That would be wonderful." She took a few steps away from him and turned back. "You're so good to me," she told him. 

"Kathryn, I love you. Making you happy is what gives me pleasure. It always has done." 

She had to smile. "Even when you were my Chakotay?" 

"Even then. You have to know how I feel about you." 

She nodded. She did...deep down. She only had to think back to their time on New Earth to know that. 

She came back into the room a little later, wrapped in a robe, and accepted a steaming mug of chocolate from him with a small smile. 

"You look a little better." 

"Yes, thank you. It was hard." 

"Yes, it was. But you will see them again." 

He sat on the sofa, extending an arm in invitation. With a nod she sat beside him and nestled into his warmth. Despite her wariness, the distance between them was surely being eroded. 

"You could use a few hugs right now!" She had to agree with this. "I think you need to know how much you’re loved." 

She laughed quietly. 

"Yes, you do. I love you. So does your Chakotay, even if he feels unable to express it to you yet." 

"That must have been very hard." 

"Yes, it was. But I understood." He allowed a few moments to go by. "Let me make love to you," he added quietly. 

She sat up quickly. "I can’t…we mustn’t!" 

"Why not? I was making furious love with that body of yours a couple of nights ago. I know every intimate detail about it…" 

"It’s wrong. It would be like…I’d feel like I was stealing her man!" 

"I disagree. You are her. She is you. She knows what happened here…she remembers. It’s part of her. You wouldn’t be stealing anything beyond a few hours of comfort and pleasure you truly need and deserve." 

"Yes, but…" 

"Yes, but what? I know that you already love me. That you were attracted to me from the first moment we set eyes on each other. Don’t deny it. And no-one can say that, at this moment in time, we’re constrained by any command structure. I’m not your first officer anymore, I’m your husband!" She opened her mouth and shut it again, lost for words at the moment. "So how about it?" 

"Chakotay…I’m engaged…still…to Mark!" 

"Kathryn, he’s married now…with a son. You saw it in the pictures this morning." 

"In your time-frame, yes…but in mine…Realistically, I know he wouldn’t wait forever, but I have yet to have closure. I’d still feel like I was cheating on him." 

His dark eyes studied her in disappointment. He loved her so much, but he understood. 

"But you don’t feel the same way about him any more, do you?" 

"No," she answered honestly. 

"Good, because I'd feel rather hurt, if I thought you were going back to dream of him." 

She looked at him in surprise. "No, don't you ever think that! It's you I dream of now. It has been for a long time." 

He grinned, satisfied with her answer. "Then it's over...whatever way you choose to look at it." 

"I guess it is. But I still haven't been able to sort things out with him." 

"So you still feel unable to accept the love that’s being offered you right here and now?" 

She shook her head sadly. "No." 

"Alright. It’s your decision. But it would do you good. The up-tight moody Captain in you could use a few world-class orgasms to release the tension." 

"I am not up-tight and moody!" she argued, outraged. 

"You are too…sometimes! It was hard for you without friendship and intimacy. You made yourself so alone, Kathryn… Why did you insist on cutting yourself off from the love and support I was so eager to offer you?" 

"I had to… What you do offer…the friendship and support…means so much to me, Chakotay. And I do have a fiancé. Tell me the truth…we didn’t did we? Come together I mean, in the Delta Quadrant…" 

It might have been tempting to lie, but he couldn’t. "No. She made me wait until we got home…" 

"So we can’t tempt fate…we can’t risk changing history…" 

"How do we know? For all we know, we did make love and she just chose not to tell me." 

"I can’t take that risk." 

His face betrayed his continued disappointment. "I understand." 

"And I want our first time together to be our first time together…for both of us!" 

"Okay. I accept what you’re saying. But we could still have a lot of fun. I could still relieve some of that sexual tension you’re harbouring…and I know it’s there, so don’t deny it. We can do a whole lot of interesting things without going the whole way…" 

She was quiet for a moment, so sorely tempted. He took her silence as a signal that she was weakening and stood up, holding out his hand to pull her from the couch. 

"Trust me, Kathryn. I know what I’m doing. It still involves going in the bedroom and getting naked. So lose the frumpy nightgown, will you?" 

She opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. 

His eyes were twinkling, and he threw her a cheeky grin. "You know it would suit me to give a performance tonight you’ll never forget. Wouldn’t I just love to have you spend the next five years fidgeting in your big chair, aware of my talents and panting for more…" 

She swallowed. "World-class, eh?" 

"You bet! Think I'm up to the job?" 

Of course, she did. She'd yet to give him a job he wasn't up to. Moreover, in her colourful imagination she'd already furnished him with considerable skills in this department, and everything that she had witnessed over the last few days suggested strongly that he would not disappoint. With a tug from his hand, her resistance evaporated. 

  


* * *

  


Later, they lay on the bed, sated. It had been a wonderful, loving experience, even if it hadn't breached the barrier they both wanted to tear down. Kathryn, fully dressed again, was warmly embraced in the comfort of his arms. He had only partially dressed in his underwear. 

"Chakotay?" she said sadly. 

"Mmm?" 

"I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go back…." 

He kissed her near one ear. "I know, love. But you have to. We can’t stop it. Remember, he’ll be there waiting for you and offering his support. And, even if he doesn’t tell you, he loves you. Don’t worry, if he appears to start dating any other people in the meantime…they none of them meant anything. What he feels for you is much deeper. 

Remember, one day you’ll be back here…in my arms. Making love fully. But you have to go back to get here. And…no offence…but I want my Kathryn back, with her eager body and her memories of our evolving love…" 

Kathryn smiled sadly. This, she understood. "G-d, I’ve got to wait five years for this…It’s so long. I don’t know how I’ll keep my hands of you…" 

"You managed somehow." 

"It will be difficult." 

"Kathryn, do me a favour?" 

"Yes?" 

"If…just as we get home…you hear that I’m dating S…someone, don’t act the martyr and assume I’ll be happier with her. I wouldn’t have been. Don’t worry about making a fool of yourself and don't go thinking you can't compete, because deep down it’s you I love. Storm into my room and shake some sense into me. Whatever it takes. Call me any awful names you care to think of. I’ll deserve it. Tell me how you feel about me. If you don’t, you’ll risk all this…" 

"I did that?" 

"You will do it. Please, promise me!" She was uncertain for a moment. "Promise!" 

"Alright. I promise." 

"Good," he said, kissing her gently and pulling her closer. 

"Chakotay, I feel cold!" came Kathryn’s anxious voice. He kissed her again, and a few moments later, she was gone. 


	7. Chapter 7

  


She found herself walking the corridors of Voyager, something familiar at last. She was walking beside a stranger, who was talking… 

"Seven years ago you had the chance to use the Caretaker’s array to get Voyager home. Instead you destroyed it." 

Kathryn turned, rather rattled at the accusation. 

"I did what I knew was right!" she protested, before sharply intaking breath at the familiar, yet different face in front of her, a face that looked rather like her own, only older. A face, not unlike the one that had stared back at her from her mirror only a few days before. A little more lined, a little more worn down by the burdens of command perhaps, but still the same face. 

"You chose to put the lives of strangers ahead of the lives of your crew," continued the stranger. "You can’t make the same mistake again." 

"What are we talking about here?" asked Kathryn, not really understanding what 'the mistake' might be." 

"Seven of Nine is going to die." 

"Seven of WHAT?" blustered Kathryn. 

The light dawned in the older woman’s eyes. "Ahh, I see you’ve jumped. No wonder you seem confused." 

Kathryn fixed her counterpart with a glare of authority. "This is not a discussion for the corridor." 

"No, indeed not." 

"My Ready Room! Now!" 

  


* * *

  


Six months back into the future, somewhere in Hawaii, Chakotay watched as a familiar light came into his Kathryn’s eyes. 

"You’re back?" 

"I am indeed," she commented with a smile. 

"How often is this going to happen?" 

"Not too often. I don’t think it’ll cause us too much of a problem. I’m sure you’ll cope with these strange episodes of mine just fine. Sometimes they only last a few hours. This was the longest." 

"Good…because I’ve missed you." 

"I certainly hope so," she said, already running her fingers under his boxers. 

"Spirits, I’ve missed this…" he said, with a sigh. "Where have you been, by the way?" 

"Right here. I didn’t go anywhere. I know exactly what’s been going on for the last three days. I’ve lived through it twice! I suppose it was as if I had a temporary amnesia!" 

"So you remember everything? From the last couple of days?" 

"Oh, yes. Everything! You did do some rather interesting things together!" 

He sighed. "I felt sorry for her…It made me realise how lonely she was. How much she needed to be loved. I don’t know how you got through it…" 

"But I did. And I had some pretty pleasurable memories to sustain me throughout. But I’m here now…so I think you should take full advantage." 

"I fully intend to," he said, grinning as he felt his boxers sliding down his legs. 

"My, my! Very impressive! You certainly look pleased to see me, husband!" she said, admiring his burgeoning erection with dancing eyes. It stood proud and glistening, demanding her attention and hardening thickly just from the heat of her gaze. She slipped her hand between his legs, rolling the balls fondly in her fingers. He gasped with excitement. 

"It was a bit frustrating…wanting to make love to her so badly, not being able to." 

"My poor baby. We’ll have to see what we can do about that." 

"I’m all yours," he said, lifting himself slightly to give her freer access. 

"By the way, Chakotay, I’m pregnant," she said, dropping a kiss onto the gleaming purple head, and sending a spasm of delight rippling through his taut body. 

His hand shot out, grabbing her wrist and stilling her for a moment. "What did you say?" 

"I said, I’m pregnant." 

"How the hell did that happen?" 

"By the standard method. Really, Chakotay, you must know about the birds and the bees at your age." 

"But we’ve never even talked about it…" 

"No. No need. I knew it was going to happen…so I just let it." 

"You knew?" He gazed at her in astonishment. "She knew?" 

"Yes, actually…she confirmed it. There is a medical scanner in one of my drawers." 

"And all these years, you’ve known…that you’d have a baby with me? You knew about this moment in time?" 

"Yes…I guess that’s why I never felt burdened to discuss it with you. I knew it would happen, and I knew you’d make a brilliant father. And I was sure you’d be pleased…at least you will be, when you've had time to get used to the idea." 

"When I get used to the idea?" 

"Yes." 

"How long will that take?" 

"Oh, about thirty seconds, at a guess." 

"And then I'll be pleased?" 

"I know you'll be pleased." 

"You know far too much about the future for your own good!" he smiled. 

"Sometimes, I think I do. So...thirty seconds is up. What do you think?" 

His smile broadened. "Kathryn, I’m ecstatic!" 

"Good," she smiled back. "Exactly what I thought." 

He kissed her hand before releasing it, and her gaze dropped again to his penis. "Now where were we?" she said, drawing close enough that her warm breath tickled the sensitive head. Her fingers dove to resume their teasing. "We need to make up for lost time here. This spectacular, perfectly formed...and I might add fully functional...piece of equipment deserves my undivided attention." 

He wasn't arguing with that. 

  


* * *

  


The Ready Room looked hardly any different, just with a few different artefacts adorning the shelves, ones she had presumably not collected yet. 

"I think some coffee is in order," opened the older version of Kathryn Janeway. 

The younger Kathryn nodded and went to take a seat under the windows, while the other woman fetched two mugs from the replicator. 

She returned in silence and handed over one of the mugs. Kathryn took a sip and grimaced. It was not a patch on the heavenly concoctions she’d been indulging in over the last few days. 

"You’ve been rather spoiling yourself recently, haven’t you?" asked the older woman, knowingly. 

"How do you know about that?" 

"I was you. You’re jumping backwards through time, right? I know. I went through it too." Kathryn frowned. A headache threatened. "I know," she continued. "Temporal anomalies are disturbing. You know what I always say when faced with one?" 

"Don’t even try to make sense of it!" joined in the younger Kathryn. 

They both smiled at each other, fully aware that they were one and the same person. 

"And I realised just now…I should have anticipated it better…that you’ve replaced the 'here and now' Kathryn temporarily. You won’t be here long." 

Kathryn sighed. This was a relief at least. This situation didn’t bear analysing. "Care to fill me in?" 

"You don’t know Seven of Nine, do you?" 

"No." 

"She’s a woman…someone very dear to you…whom you rescued from the Borg about four years ago." 

Kathryn quirked an eyebrow. "We have Borg on board? Impossible! No-one comes back from the Borg. Once they stick their nanoprobes into you, there’s no escape!" 

"Now, now!" admonished the older woman. "You'll be the one with the vision. You can see the potential of what they can become freed from the collective. Against the wishes of the senior staff, you'll be the one to insist on keeping her aboard." 

"It must have been a huge risk!" 

"It was. You're good at taking calculated risks, and, trust me, anything is possible. I was partially assimilated myself. Our path home crossed Borg space, so it was inevitable we’d cross swords. But take this as a challenge. You and I prove rather effective against the Borg, and right now we have a chance to deal them a crippling blow and get our crew home in one fell swoop. If only you choose the right path. You’re standing at a junction, a point where two possible time-lines diverge. You could choose the path I took when sitting exactly where you are now, listening to my older self. I chose to ignore her advice, stand on principle. The journey took another sixteen years and cost the lives of twenty-two other crewmembers, including Seven of Nine. Three years from now she will be injured on an away mission. She’ll make it back to Voyager, and die in the arms of her husband." 

Kathryn looked at her older self doubtfully. It was difficult to work up too much sympathy for a woman she hadn’t even met yet. 

"Her husband was Chakotay!" This made Kathryn sit up. "There! I knew that would make you listen. He’ll be heart-broken, as much from the loss of your friendship as from the loss of his wife. They’ve only just started dating. It hasn’t gotten serious yet. So, this is the moment when you have to intervene. You have to go to him and tell him exactly how you feel, just as you promised him!" Kathryn gasped at this. How could she know of her promise? "You know, I’ve had many years to think all this over. I’ve been through what you’re experiencing now, and, believe me, it is agonisingly painful to be aware of the magnitude of what I lost by making the wrong decision here. Imagine how it feels to know what my life could have been like, knowing that the path I am on is the wrong one. The one not meant to be. Perhaps I’ve been looping round and round endlessly through time, living this lonely unfulfilled existence G-d knows how many times over. I want an end to all this. That’s why I’m saying things to you that are different from what I remember hearing when I sat where you are now. We’re at a little rocky bit of our journey. I’m taking the risk here of trying to channel you in the right direction. You have to make the decision to go home!" 

"How do you know," asked Kathryn softly, "That your path was the wrong path? That this other path is the right one?" 

The older woman leaned in close. "Because I stopped having temporal episodes at this point. The things you’ve just experienced from your future never happened to me, and from this point on I never had any more. But the ones you’re about to experience did happen to me…exactly as I had experienced them. I lived through each of those temporal episodes twice! You’re staring at a fork in time. This is a critical moment, Kathryn. And I know, deep in my soul, that my branch…the one I took…is the wrong one!" 

Kathryn rubbed her head. The headache was getting worse. 

  


* * *

  


She sent her counterpart away, and spent some time pacing her Ready Room, trying to make sense of all this. There were effectively three versions of herself involved in all this. And the one that should be here was temporarily absent. She dearly hoped that that version of herself would be back and handling the situation very soon. She was having enough trouble grappling with the temporal aspects of what was happening, without dealing with the strategic ones as well. 

But there was one thing she could do. She’d promised Chakotay something. It seemed that, assuming the older woman’s plan would be carried out, they would get home tomorrow. And she’d just been told that Chakotay was dating someone. 

She wouldn’t take the risk. She had to go and tell him how she felt. In some ways it was easier for her. She’d been in his arms only hours before. She’d seen the love in his eyes, and she had no sense of loyalty just now to whoever this Seven of Nine was. She wasn’t about to look up her service record either. 

In other ways, it was hard. She was already well practised at hiding her emotions from him, and she’d almost never had to take the initiative in commencing a relationship. She checked the computer for his whereabouts, and was informed that he was in his quarters, alone. 

It was imperative she did this immediately. She couldn't run the risk of jumping before she'd carried through on her promise. With as much steel in her step as she could muster, she made her nervous way to his quarters. 

He looked at her rather curiously, when she entered, and she could see she was interrupting his preparations to go out on a date, which disarmed her somewhat. His eyes seemed different. The sparkle that they usually held especially for her seemed to be missing. 

She drew a deep breath. "Chakotay, I need to talk to you. Have you got a moment?" 

He smiled. "Always." When she hesitated, he added, "I’m all ears." 

"I know you’ve started dating…" 

"Oh! Kathryn, I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. It’s early days…." 

She held up a hand to halt his apologies. "This is going to sound strange, but I made a promise to you…in another existence. I fully expect us to get home tomorrow…" 

"You’ve made your decision? You’re going along with this hair-brained scheme?" 

"No. I haven’t made my decision. I’ll run it by the senior staff first. But I am in favour now of giving it a shot." He nodded at this. "You disagree?" 

"No. Not at all. I think if we can take down the Borg with us, it’s definitely worth consideration. If we can disable…" 

"Chakotay," she said, stopping him and not wishing to be deflected from the matter she wanted to discuss, "We can go through the tactics later at the briefing. It was something more personal I wished to discuss." She paused and he raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue. "As I said, tomorrow I fully expect us to get home, which of course means we can at last step out of the command structure, and be rather more honest with each other than we have been…" 

"I hope we’ll always be friends, Kathryn." 

"I hope we’ll be more than friends," she said, as evenly as she could manage. 

He looked shocked. "Errmm? What are you saying here?" 

"Chakotay, I love you. I think you need to know that, before you rush into the romance you seem to be pursuing…" 

"Isn’t this a little late?" he said, still not quite taking this in. 

She thought for a moment. Her heart was hammering somewhere in her boots. "No, actually. I think I’m timing this perfectly." 

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" he queried, still sounding more than a little put out. 

She drew a deep breath. "If you don’t feel the same, I expect you to let me down gently, and understand why friendship is not what I’m looking for any more. If you do feel the same….then I expect you to come over here and kiss me." 

He seemed to be hesitating, his uncertain eyes staring blindly at the carpet as he paced up and down for a few moments. He shook his head in disbelief. After all this time, could this be happening? Then a smile hovered on his lips, and he lifted his head to meet her anxious gaze. The twinkle in his eyes was back. 

And then he came over and kissed her. 


	8. Chapter 8

She passed briefly through some bizarre moments on Voyager. Once, she seemed to be on board a Borg cube. Another time, the Borg seemed to be taking over Voyager. Once she appeared to be in a strange mono-chromatic environment. To her relief, she did not stay long in any of these situations. 

When she had the opportunity, she had long discussions with the Doctor and B’Elanna about her predicament, and to talk them through her possible treatment. She also wanted to prepare the Doctor to deal with her past episodes, which would occur in his future. 

She finally met Seven of Nine. The woman was tall, stunningly beautiful and socially inept. Kathryn was gob-smacked. If she'd known what Seven looked like, she wondered if she would have had the gall to march in on Chakotay as he prepared for his hot date and reveal her feelings to him. 

As she travelled forward into her past, she found the people she encountered were more and more disbelieving of her predicament, and increasingly baffled as to how to deal with her. Where necessary, she was the one who had all the explaining to do. 

  


* * *

  


" _Red alert. All hands to battle stations!_ " she heard her own voice say. 

She emerged in the Captain’s chair. Voyager was clearly under attack, and taking heavy damage. 

A ship could be seen closing in for attack. "Tuvok, fire phasers!" 

"Acknowledged." 

Chakotay’s voice cut in from the side. "Who the hell are they?" 

The ship jolted badly in response to another hit. 

"Shields down to thirty-nine percent," came Tuvok’s calm voice. 

"I don’t understand how these torpedoes are ripping right through our shields," said Chakotay. 

Something clicked in Kathryn’s mind. "The Year of Hell," she muttered to herself. She stepped forward to survey the viewscreen. "It’s the Krenim!" she announced. 

"The Krenim? Who are they and how do you know?" asked Chakotay. 

"Let’s just say, I have prior knowledge. Mr. Paris, evasive manoeuvres! B’Elanna, can we re-route power to the forward shields?" 

"Already trying," said B'Elanna. 

"These torpedoes are chroniton-based. They’re passing through our shields because they’re in a state of temporal flux!" said Kathryn. 

Another powerful explosion sent everybody to the floor. 

Harry Kim said, "Hull breach on deck seven. We’re losing life support." 

Tuvok announced, "Captain, they’re arming their torpedo launchers again. We cannot sustain a direct hit." 

Picking herself up from the floor, Kathryn addressed the Bridge crew. "We need to re-modulate the targeting scanners." A brief look of puzzlement flitted across Chakotay’s face, but he suppressed it quickly. 

"If you're right, that could work," cut in Harry. "If we re-modulate the scanners to a parametric frequency we might be able to destroy the torpedo launchers before they fire." 

"Do it!" ordered Chakotay. 

"Ready, Captain," said Tuvok. 

"Fire!" ordered Janeway. Seconds later, the Krenim ship exploded on the screen. As the Bridge crew began to breathe again, Chakotay’s curious eyes turned to rest on Kathryn. His commanding officer often had brilliant tactical hunches, but this went beyond expectation. How in the universe had his Captain known how to deal with these...Krenim? 

  


* * *

  


Chakotay and Kathryn entered the Messhall to check on the casualties. He was feeling a little ruffled, as she was being less than forthcoming about how she knew the identity of their attackers or how their torpedoes were able to penetrate their shields. It was Neelix who reported that there was a radiation leakage from fragments of a Krenim torpedo. People were complaining of nausea. 

This was another pivotal moment, Kathryn realised. "Chroniton radiation! This is it! Neelix, where is it coming from?" 

"It’s lodged in a Jefferies Tube on deck 11, section 2," answered the Talaxian. 

"I’ve got to get down there!" 

"You can’t. The entire deck’s sealed off." 

"I need the exact temporal variance of that torpedo!" It was a strange thing to say. She already knew the answer. But she couldn’t risk not going to find out. If she didn’t, that essential bit of information might disappear from her mind and be lost in history. 

Chakotay butted in. "You can’t go near that thing! Kathryn, you’ll be burnt to a crisp!" 

"I know what I’m doing!" she said, starting off at a run. 

Chakotay began to follow her anxiously, his pleas for her to stop falling on deaf ears. She was too quick for him. 

As she climbed into the Jefferies tube, she wondered at the absurdity of it all. Could it be that the necessity to find the phase variance was what caused her to receive a more substantial dose of the radiation than the rest of the crew in the first place, thereby triggering her illness. Could the cure to this disease actually have been the cause? If she stayed away now, maybe she would never have gotten ill. None of this might ever happen. 

But she hardly had the time to think. In the few moments she had before she found the torpedo protruding from the wall, she knew again she couldn’t risk changing this time-line. It was way too precious. She scanned the torpedo, taking the expected reading of 1.47 microseconds, before collapsing on the floor in a frazzled heap. Seconds later, she jumped again. 

  


* * *

  


She felt nauseous, weighed down. She couldn’t breathe. The Doctor’s voice penetrated the fog. 

"Chroniton level 79 roentgens. Increase the bio-temporal field stress." 

"Increasing to 25 kilodynes," said Kes. 

"Chroniton count?" 

"Increasing…82," said Kes again, her voice betraying her concern. "83. Doctor it’s going up!" 

"This isn’t working! Why isn’t this working?" asked the Doctor of himself. 

Kathryn realised this was the moment she had to speak…she had to tell him how to treat her. She was back in what for her was the present. She just about managed a squeak, but not much more. She certainly couldn’t string any words together. The pain and the delirium were too much. 

She tried once more. Still nothing came from her throat. 

"We’re losing her!" 

And then she was gone again, walking the corridors of Voyager, alone this time. She checked the stardate with the computer and found she was now six months into her past. At least everything seemed quiet around her. No Borg, no missiles, no alternative versions of herself. It was the early hours of the morning, so she made her way to her cabin with a fading sense of hope. 

She’d failed. She hadn’t been able to give the Doctor the instructions necessary to save her life and end this ghastly journey back through time. In all probability, she would make a few more leaps and then cease to exist. 

She threw herself on her bed in despair. She felt powerless to stop it…until she realised that in this time-frame the Doctor had yet to treat her. If she discussed it with him now, however crazy the whole thing might sound, he’d know what to do when the time came. She got up again, with a renewed energy and took herself to Sickbay. 

The moments she flicked through in her next few leaps, however briefly, were familiar to her. She didn’t seem to be staying anywhere more than a few minutes, but they were all things she’d experienced in her past: encounters with the Kazon, that awesome first moment when Chakotay first beamed onto her Bridge, a few disorientating seconds as Voyager was catapulted into the Delta Quadrant, a few more with Mark. 

  


* * *

  


Pain again. Agonising pain. This time in her leg, and a fog in her ringing head that probably indicated concussion. 

This was dangerously familiar. Where was she? 

It was so cold. There was an iceberg. Except it wasn’t an iceberg. It was the forward cabin of a shuttle sinking slowly into a dark frozen sea. There was something important about that iceberg. She couldn’t remember what it was. 

Daddy! Suddenly it came to her. He was in there. And someone else. Someone she cared about. A man, but she couldn’t remember his name. She had to save them….save them both. Not enough power to transport them both. She had to try… 

  


* * *

  


"No…not there," came her father’s voice. "No…not there either. Hmmm. I could swear I heard a little bird in this room!" 

Hiding in the well of her father’s desk, she felt a giggle bubbling in her belly…tickling her…threatening to bubble up and break loose. 

"Where could she be? Is she hiding in the replicator?" Now that was just plain silly! She had to cover her mouth with her hands. 

"Oh-oh. Maybe she’s got into the fish tank! She’s after my lionfish!" 

She could hardly contain herself. The giggle came out through her nose in a tiny snort. 

"What was that?" came a mock-stern voice. "What did I hear?" 

Kathryn scrunched herself into a little ball and covered her face with both hands. Then his jovial face appeared close to hers, a very different face from the one he presented at Starfleet. 

"Why, it’s a bird alright. It’s a Goldenbird, and she’s hiding under my desk!" 

In seconds, Kathryn found herself flying through the air, light as a feather, dipping and rising in delicious circles as her father swung her round. Her laughter filled the room. It seemed to go on and on forever, until her father lowered her slowly to the floor…. 

  


* * *

  


She jumped twice more, but was barely conscious of what happened in those moments. And then… 

Suddenly she was back on the bed in Sickbay, voices speaking over her fading body. 

"Well, I guess it’s time for plan B," said the EMH. 

"The plan the Captain described?" asked Kes. 

"Yes. We’re out of other options. It could work, assuming we know the precise temporal variance. I have nothing to go on besides what you might call the Captain’s hunch." 

"1.47 microseconds?" 

"That's what she said." 

"The Captain’s hunches are usually right." 

"I’ll give you that…but how she could possibly know that information is beyond me. Ready the anti-chronitons!" 

Kes adjusted some controls for a few moments. "Whenever you’re ready, Doctor." 

"Initiating anti-chroniton pulse, 10 MEV’s, five second pulse. Pulse steady. Chroniton count?" 

Kes held her breath for a few seconds, and then smiled. "71 roentgens and dropping." 

"It’s working!" 


	9. Chapter 9

She was staring out of the darkened messhall windows. Myriads of unfamiliar stars graced the panorama, yet somehow they held less menace now. They were in open space, yet there had been times when she felt like a prisoner out here in the Delta Quadrant. If she could trust in even part of what she’d seen of the future, she had to view them differently now. 

The stars were just unfamiliar markers on a long journey home, mysterious and worthy of investigation, but no longer symbols of isolation. No longer did she need to see them as a constant reminder of her guilt at separating her crew from their loved ones. They would not be lost forever. They would get home. She could let some of her guilt go. 

She felt his presence long before he spoke, this man who already meant so much to her, and now she expected would mean so much more in the future. He was watching her silently in the almost darkness. She smiled to herself. He was such a rock. Did he know what strength he infused in her? 

"Are you alright, Kathryn?" 

She turned and smiled gently, and he came up close. "I’m fine," she answered softly. "Actually, I’m better than fine." 

"Good," he said, placing a reassuring arm on her shoulder. "It’s good to have you back." 

"It’s good to be back. It was rather disorientating. It’s a difficult thing, to live with precognition, and wonder if things will fall out the way you’ve seen. Possibly I’ve seen one version of many possible futures, but Tuvok insists that I’ve seen the most probable future. I have to wonder, if, having seen this, I’ll do something differently and change everything." 

"And that bothers you?" 

"I suppose it does." 

"Then I take it you rather liked what you saw of the future?" 

"Actually, yes." 

"Well, maybe you should view this differently. Maybe because you’ve seen the most probable future, you will know when to seize an opportunity, even on the slimmest of chances, and make it work to your advantage. Maybe knowing the future, knowing the possibilities, make it more likely to happen, not less." 

She thought about this for a while. "Perhaps you’re right," she said, encouraged. She’d already seen a moment where the future had deviated from the expected time-line, where her future self had chosen to take a wrong turn, and she’d also seen it corrected. It amazed her that an older version of herself had moved heaven and earth to come back and straighten out the kink. And set things right again. The path was straight and clear now. Shouldn't that give her all the confidence in the universe? 

"It’s made me realise that not everything about being stuck in the Delta Quadrant is bad," she told him. 

"I never thought that. I sometimes think that being stranded here on the ship was the luckiest break I ever had." 

She looked at him incredulously. "You lost your ship, your Captaincy…your cause!" 

"Ah," he responded sincerely, "but I found another one. There’s nowhere I’d rather be right now, than travelling this path on this ship with this crew. Besides, forty or so of us might have been stuck in jail by now...if we hadn't been stranded out here." 

She smiled at his rather generous words, then it faded as their losses impacted her. "We've lost a lot of good people." 

"All Captains have to deal with that, although I know you’ve had more than your fair share. It’s a risky business going into space. Everyone knows that when they sign up. We could all stay home, gaze at the stars and wonder what’s out there. Stay safe. But we’d never meet the wonderful species we’ve encountered, be the first humans to gaze on unexplored planets, learn of untold cultures…" 

"Study an uncharted nebula, watch new stars being born," she contributed. 

"Forge such incredible friendships?" They smiled at each other. "No...I never thought it was all bad." 

"No. It's not." 

"This journey is an amazing one. We are very privileged in many ways," he said. 

"I guess we are, as long as we are not stranded here forever. So long as we can reconnect with our people, our loved ones…" 

"I believe we will." 

"What are the chances, do you think?" 

"Pretty damned certain…now I know our Captain’s seen the future. Her tactical intuition has always been pretty amazing. She’ll be right on the nail from now on." She looked at him in surprise. He was jumping to a lot of conclusions based on what little she’d said. "We got home, I presume?" 

"You know I can’t answer that…temporal prime directive," she said, with an amused smile. 

"I’ll take that as a yes." 

"You shouldn’t read so much into what I say." 

"Months? Years?" She didn’t have to answer. He could read it in her eyes. "I sure hope we stay friends." 

"Oh, I think we’ll stay friends," she responded, with a twinkle in her eye and lilt to her voice which suggested much much more. 

He surprised her with a kiss on the forehead. 

"What was that for?" she asked, surprised. 

"Safe keeping." 

"I told you not to read too much into what I say!" 

"Okay. Okay. A man can dream, can’t he? Come on, let’s get you back to your quarters. You need your rest," he said, holding out his arm. "You've been through quite an ordeal today." 

She linked her arm with his, and began walking next to the man destined to be her husband. 

_So can a woman dream_ , she thought. And her dreams would be particularly vivid from now on. 

She sighed. Could she wait? Of course, she could. She knew she had, and so had he. But somehow, _somewhen_ they would be together. It might not be tomorrow. It might not be next year. But it would _be_. 


End file.
